PruCan - Anger and Forgiveness
by Damian1245
Summary: Have you ever been so fucking irritated at someone, someone close to you, that you just wanted to knock some sense into their head? ; One-shot ; Involves suicidal thoughts, not for the easily offended


Gilbert slammed the door shut to the bathroom, staring intently at his reflection in the mirror as he heard the phone buzzing in his pocket. He didn't get angry about something small like that very often, but this time it was just so absolutely stupid, and he just couldn't help but be absolutely pissed at the Canadian man for it. He leaned away from the sink and snatched the phone from his pocket, looking at the I.D. and shutting the phone off before tossing it on the marble counter. He didn't want to talk to the blond right now. He just needed time to cool his head, and he decided to do that with a long, hot bath. He drew the water into the small - yet comfortably deep - tub, pouring a nice smelling soap into the stream of water before turning around to strip out of his shirt and boxers. He slid into the tub slowly, getting comfortable just as the little yellow bird in his hair showed itself and dropped into the water to float around with a happy chirp. His eyes fell shut, letting the warmth surround him after turning the water off. It was such a stupid reason to get angry.

They played a game together, one of those multiplayer online games, and they had to pay for game time each month. Living in separate houses, it wasn't easy to actually pay for each other sometimes. This time in particular, they both wanted a special item that the game offered, and they had to get a number of months worth of game time in order to actually get the item. It came time that Matthew got his paycheck, and they were both excited - that meant they could get the final month of time and get the item. Of course, Gil shared the excitement about it, and he happily allowed the blond to use his account to pay for the time. But for some reason, since they still had a little less than a month of active game time, the payment was labeled as pending. Matt was upset about it, because he had been so excited to get the item, and no matter what Gil said, Matt's mood was sour because of it and that mood went to Gil's head and he finally just said fuck it and shut down his computer.

Naturally, the hot-headed albino didn't want to be angry at his boyfriend. Especially not for something so utterly ridiculous. But the blond was just so stubborn and didn't want to listen to reason, and Gil still had trouble getting along with that. He figured that stubborn streak ran in the Canadian's family, since his cousin Francis and his brother Alfred were the same way, and that fact just irritated him all the more. Ludwig, his own brother, had never been this stubborn about a silly game. Even when he met his Italian girlfriend on whatever game it was that they played, he was never stubborn about something like this. And Gil just found it so upsetting that a simple game could upset his lover that way. He was tempted to just not play anymore, to be honest, but he could never tell Matt that fact. The worst part was the comment Matt made about the money not being taken yet.

"_You have no idea how excited I was._"

That hurt Gilbert more than it should have, those words that were said. Of course he knew how excited he was, because he was excited about it too. They could finally have that item that would help them be together in-game more, and it would be delayed for who knows how much longer. It was disappointing, but Gil had been optimistic about waiting for a little bit longer for it. After all, they had waited so long, why not wait a little longer? It would have been worth the wait, the way he saw it. And just the fact that Matt got so upset and sad.. Gil felt like an idiot. It felt like that was all Matt wanted to do, was get the item. And after that, they wouldn't play as much because the goal of getting the item was complete. Matt had already not logged on as often as they used to, whereas Gil had been logging on every day to do certain things. It was just too much for him at the moment. Thus why he had decided to take this bath.

In reality, it wasn't just Matt that made him upset. Gil had been jobless for a while now, finding it harder to talk to people than he thought. He was having trouble opening up to potential employers, and so he stayed in on the computer all day. Hell, he still lived with his younger brother, and he was already almost twenty-two. He knew he was awesome, he really did, but lately he had been feeling very.. not awesome. He felt lazy. He didn't get out enough, even though he did go out with Matt occasionally, and most of the time they just stayed over at one or the other's house and played games online or on a console. They hardly ever acted like a real couple lately, and he couldn't even remember the last time they showed affection toward each other. It was really weighing down on him, and he didn't want to say anything, either. It was hard enough to keep it on his own shoulders, Gil didn't want to spread the burden to his lover like that. It just felt wrong. And he didn't have anyone to tell this to, either, seeing as how he didn't have many friends. Two best friends, sure, but they were all for gossip. They didn't know how to keep a good secret.

Gil had to slide down further into the water, keeping his nose and up above the surface as he leaned against the edge of the tub. He didn't like to think. He always sat alone and just thought. It was usually depressing and too much for him to handle, and all of his optimism was gone when he was alone. He had no motivation to get up in the mornings, thus why he slept in all the time, and literally the only thing keeping him getting awake was Matthew. He could never get up if it wasn't for that stubborn, irritating, adorable, sweet, caring Canadian. Half the time, he didn't even want to get up even for the blond, but he still did, day after day. He opened his ruby eyes to stare at the thin red scars across his arms, his mind wandering to the pain and the blood from several years ago. He had been suicidal. There had just been so much that was going wrong, so much pessimism in his life, and bad luck. Matt had been the one to save him from all of that. But after dating him for those years, he was starting to feel a familiar depressing feeling. It dragged at him mind and burned at his heart, pulling him down further and further. Every morning, every night, every time he was alone. Ludwig was over at Felicia's tonight. It would be easy to just drop under the water and never come up. Just fall asleep and drift away. Or he could get the razor from the counter and watch the blood run down his arm like he used to, and just let it pull him into darkness. It would be so easy.

But he wouldn't do it. He wasn't particularly scared of death, not at all. It was more like he was scared of what his death would do to those people that he knew cared about him. What would happen to Matt? To Ludwig? Francis and Antonio? Would Matt follow him with suicide? He didn't want that. Not at all. But maybe a little pain would help. Not death, no. Just pain. He ignored the worried chirps of his little bird as he sat up in the water, reaching for the razor on the counter before sitting in the tub again. He stared at the silver blade, slowly pulling it out of the razor, before chucking the plastic piece and holding the blade near one of the old scars. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, something he hadn't felt in a long time, and he tried to blink them back as he pushed the sharp edge against his pale skin. The cut was quick, the pain making him suck in a sharp breath, and he watched the blood pool up around the wound and drip into the water, his gaze cloudy from the tears. The pain made his mind sharpen, and he had to close his eyes finally as he sat back and let it bleed. The little bird was silent, its small black eyes gazing worriedly at the man, and Gil could feel the gaze boring into his mind. He would have to apologize to the little guy later.

A knock on the front door brought Gil out of his pain-induced bliss, and his eyes shot open. He waited for a voice, anything to tell him who it was. There was a shuffling sound and then the sound of a key turning in the lock, the door opening after a moment. It was probably Ludwig. He closed his eyes again, his mind drifting off. He'd have to figure out a way to talk to Matt without letting him know that he had done this. It was a promise that he had broken. He made it so long ago, when Matt had saved him, and this would forever be a guilt that haunted him. He heard footsteps. They were light, though, and alarm bells were going off in his head. It wasn't Ludwig. He ignored the alarm in his head, hoping against everything that the person would think nobody was home and would leave. But of course, Gilbird had to give him away. The little bird set about cheeping and chattering, and the footsteps came closer and closer. The door opened and the smell of jasmine and maple syrup drifted in. An angry voice.

"_Gil! What the hell did you do?!_"

He didn't want to face the blond, so he didn't say a word as Matt hurried to grab the first aid kit and clean and dress his wound. The blood was cleaned up, and they were sat in silence for the longest time. Seconds ticked by into minutes, and finally Matt had to speak.

"_Gil.. I'm sorry about earlier. It was stupid to get upset, I just.. I was looking forward to it._"

"_... I know you were. But so was I. That really hurt.. what you said.._"

"_I'm sorry.._"

"_... ..I know._"

It was silent between them again. There was a dark cloud lingering above them, and a wall of unspoken tension between them. Gil felt dizzy, anemic. That happened a lot when he bled, though, being the way he was. He slid half an inch into the water, and Matt had to reach over and pull him up so he wouldn't drown. The smell lingering on the blond brought Gil to open his eyes, and he stared at the other with a half open gaze.

"_You're wearing the hoodie I left at your house.._"

"_..I guess I am._"

The tension was back, but it was slowly going away. Gil smiled before his eyes fell shut once more. He was tired now, and he drifted off to sleep after a short while. He woke up for a moment sometime later, finding himself in bed with a pair of boxers on, a sleeping Canadian by his side, and his arms wrapped weakly around the blond before he drifted off again. In the end, he just couldn't be angry at him at all. It always ended like this. But it was nice. He did, after all, love the blond.


End file.
